My child was diagnosed with Autism;So Now what?

So your child was just diagnosed with Autism. Perhaps you were told they have Autistic like characteristics, or PDD. Ok, so are you thinking, now what?

Let’s back up a little. First, you probably took you child to early intervention services as you sensed your child was struggling, or someone else sensed your child was struggling. Perhaps they did say their first words, facial gaze and smile when they were supposed to. Perhaps they lost their abilities as they approached the ages of 1.5 to 2. Perhaps they did not smile, wave and use language to greet you, hug you and say I love you. Whatever the situation, you knew that something was different.

The assumption parents often have is that early intervention services will address the challenges their child has and they can then terminate services. The hope is often that the child will go into a mainstream school environment with no further support and then all fears, doubts and challenges will be resolved.

Unfortunately, for the child with ASD this is not often the case. As they approach their third birthday a big event happens. For some children they get evaluated by the school district and regional center (if in California) to determine eligibility for services. At this point the parents’ lives may change forever. I hear many families say that their dreams for the child went out the window and they could not really comprehend what was being said to them at the time of the diagnosis due to shock. Some parents felt relief that they finally got some answers to their concerns over their child’s development and unfamiliar behaviors that they could not make sense of.

Once the diagnosis is given many families have shock, anger, depression and guilt. These are typical responses to a traumatic event. These feelings may resurface through the family lifecycles as new challenges emerge. Some families report that they cope better as their children get older. Some report that their stress levels are directly correlated to the impairments their child has. A few families adjust to the news and feel relief that they can now create a plan for their family and adjust accordingly.Once a family receives the diagnosis they are often bombarded with numerous services to engage in. There is speech, OT, sensory integration, Behavioral support, social skills groups and swimming, gymnastics and adaptive skills training, Families then get busy. No, I should say, families get really busy. The hope then is that these services will then provide the family the guidance they need in addressing the challenges that they are faced with. Not only do we have to address the question of how effective these services are, but we have to look at how the parents are coping with the news that their child has received a diagnosis of a disability. How do they accept the news? How do they understand the news? How will this news shape their lives? What meaning do they attribute to the news? The meaning the family creates can be a key in creating a positive outcome.If the parents have grief work to do, we hope they support each other to work through the grief and come out the other side with a renewed sense of hope and optimism.

Looking back five to ten years ago we did not have the hope that we now have in the field of Autism. We now believe that we can live with Autism, love Autism and build relationships within Autism. We can now dismiss the old ideas of being instutionalized and that a person with Autism is resigned to a poor quality of life. We are pleased to embrace new hope and new aspirations.

Here are some tips for coping when you receive the diagnosis:

Seek out family and friends who provide support to you.

Evaluate your thoughts and feelings about the diagnosis. It is natural to have mood changes in response to stressors.

Draw on you and your partner’s strengths to give each other support.

Join parents groups to talk with other parents to support you.

Seek counseling if distressed. Addressing the emotional difficulties is important for well-being and coping.

Balance out the services. Do not sign up for numerous services without evaluating the benefits of these services and the time and effort they bring with them.

Maintain personal space and time. Personal interests, help us to rejuvenate ourselves. If you find yourself saying you are too busy to take care of yourself, then you are in danger of becoming burned out and depressed.

Seek out a childcare person for respite breaks for date nights and seeing family and friends.

Create opportunities for success by building your child’s confidence and motivation for managing complex social relationships.

Ask for help if you need it! Share the responsibilities of childcare and managing the home.

Nicky Palmer is a Licensed Marital Family Therapist in the state of California. She is the Director of ASD Consultancy and has supported families on the spectrum for over eleven years. She is also an RDI ® Certified Consultant. You can contact Nicky at nicky@asdconsultancy.com 562 298 0603 or go to http://www.asdhelp.com/ for more information.

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Come meet Nicky Palmer at the CURE AUTISM NOW WALK in Los Angeles.

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