Making friends on the playground when you have Autism Spectrum Disorder

The bell rings for recess and the neurotypical children eagerly run to the playground to let off steam. However, the child with Autism Spectrum Disorder is often filled with anxiety; they have fear of the unknown and are unsure of what to do at recess. So many decisions to be made; what do I play? How do I play it? With whom do I play? How come the rules of the games change? How come peers lose interest just when I am making sense of the game? For some people with ASD the uncertainty of the disorganized playground is too much and they retreat into their own isolation and pace back and forth until recess is over.

Many parents hope that their children will make friends. Many parents dream that their children will be happy and find meaning in their lives.

Some people with ASD can make friendships and do make friendships. They sustain interactions and repair the inevitable difficulties that occur in the unpredictable patterns of communications. Fortunately, these children will often feel less vulnerable and less isolated on the playground. They are also likely to feel less anxious and depressed when they are teenagers, as they have supportive friendships to identify with.

So the big question at hand is; how do we help the child with ASD to make friends, sustain friendships and feel connected to peers and enjoy recess?

Below are some tips to help your child or student feel more included and less isolated on the playground:

1. Talk to your child about how they are coping at recess and problem solve together to improve your child’s daily experiences at school. It will also open up your communication.


2. Write social-emotional goals into your Individualized Education Plan

(IEP). Be sure to write goals in a specific and measurable way. Commenting on; interactions, flexibility, ability to manage uncertainty and isolation patterns.



3. Have a teacher or aide observe recess on a monthly basis and record data on friendship development, isolation patterns and repetitive speech and interactions. Address these issues at monthly team collaboration meetings.


4. Teach games in a quiet 1:1 environment, to build the child’s abilities and feelings of confidence when attempting games on the playground. Teach games that are developmentally appropriate and are played regularly on the playground such as; Young Children 3-7: Jump rope, climbing frame, hanging out on the swings and riding bikes. 7+ Basketball, Soccer, Four Square, Dodge Ball and trading cards.


5. Focus on building internal motivation (motivation increases when we feel successful) rather than providing external incentives for making friends. We want to enhance the child’s desire to make friends because they enjoy being with others, not because they receive a reward for it.


6. Ensure your teacher or aide is aware of the social goals and is able to fade prompts so the child can build more natural support from peers.


7. Provide the person with ASD the option to have some quiet time and structured time for self-regulation. Remember, many people with ASD require some solitude as they find social interaction stressful. Focus on quality of the interactions not the quantity.


8. Explore activities that the school provides such as Chess club, Homework Club, Dance, Drama and Sports Clubs. Perhaps your child would enjoy getting involved.


9. It may be helpful to have a counselor available for your child to spend time with to address the difficulties with making friends.


10. Work as a team with your child, teacher, aide, counselor and family to provide a supportive collaborative environment.

We all strive to have joy, love, friends and meaning in our lives. Children with ASD are no different in this regard. They just need some support to get them there! For more information of Autism Services please contact Nicky Palmer, M.S, Licensed Marital Family Therapist and Director of ASD Consultancy. You can contact Nicky at nicky@asdconsultancy.com or 562 298 0603. For more help see Nicky’s site at www.asdconsultancy.com